A once proud USC Alumni License Plate Frame was humiliated when it was mounted on the rear bumper of a used 2007 Hyundai Elantra.

“I thought it was some kind of ironic joke, like putting gold cufflinks on flannel shirt.,” said Troy, USC license plate frame who hopes to remain anonymous. “Maybe they’d drive me down to the Wilshire Country Club and everybody would have a good chuckle about it.”

However, this was no laughing matter as Troy remained bound to the maroon sun-blasted Elantra. Finally, after weeks of being on a car that was never valeted, hand detailed, or parked in an air conditioned garage, he began to question his very purpose.

“My dream was to cruise down PCH on the back of a black BMW 7 Series,” he wistfully recalls, “Driver buzzed on a Napa red with a hot blonde who wasn’t his wife. As we blew by other cars, I’d be screaming ‘Hey, this guy went to USC! He gets regular manicures!”

He paused, “How will I do that now? I never even leave… the Valley.”

Today, Troy spends most of his time stuck in traffic on the un-scenic parts of the 101 and 5 Freeway, hoping not to be seen. But when the commute is over, he finds his shame has just begun.

“I’m always parked in the outside row of the garage in an unreserved space without a name on it,” he laments, “And everyday, in a reserved space next to the elevator, is a shiny black Mercedes E-Class mocking me with its personalized license plate that reads, ‘GO UCLA’.”

Today, the despondent but determined Troy is working to prevent any other USC Alumni merchandise from ending up like him. He has filed multiple petitions with the USC Alumni Association to have mandatory background checks for all purchasers.

“I just want to help,” the formally confident Troy says, “If I can stop that USC sweatshirt from ending up at Goodwill or get that USC coffee mug thrown at an incompetent assistant, that’s a victory for me.”