What is Hence.LA
It’s a new website in the vein of LA Weekly, but with a satirical twist. Like if The Onion focused exclusively on everything that makes Los Angeles stupid, funny, and wonderful.
How to Become a Contributor
Go to Write For Hence.LA and sign up for the mailing list. You’ll get an email once you’ve been whitelisted to pitch with further instructions on how to pitch. Start thinking of Headlines!
Benefits of Being a Contributor
- Exposure to a decent audience!
- A place for your work to be shown and look good.
- An Author Page that you can customize that will hopefully drive attention toward you and your work. Stephen Perlstein got two paid TV writing job based on an article like these.
- A spot on the Contributors Page for the same goal.
- Feedback on your work. That’s valuable right?
How to Write a Good Headline
- The headlines that are coming in that we like tend to have strong subtext. What is your opinion on the thing you’re writing about? What’s the truth behind the headline? Here are a few contributor submissions I really liked and what I think the subtext is:
- Santa Monica Ferris Wheel Repositioned For Better Selfie Opportunities = People go to the ferris wheel only to take selfies
- Woman Claiming To Live In Atwater Full Of Shit, Totally Lives In Glendale = People lie about the neighborhoods they live in.
- NBC Basically Just Ripped Off Man’s Pilot Idea = Everyone thinks their ideas get stolen.
- Avoid being needlessly mean, e.g. “Actor is just a stupid barista.” Who does this make fun of? An actor for having a day job? That doesn’t seem fair.
- Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
- Avoid being cliché, e.g. “405 Has Awful Traffic.” Yup. What’s funny about that? What’s your take on it? 405 has bad traffic is true. It’s neither news, nor funny.
- Get specific. Generic headlines of parking is bad is less funny than you think. Try to heighten it with specificity.
- Use real LA things. We love strong LA specifics. The Grove, Chipotle, a Gellato Shop. Whatever, get specific.
- There’s no hard and fast rule, but the ideal headline is less than 70 Characters.
- End on the funny thing or the joke. The funniest part of the headline you want closest to the end of the headline.
- Definitive actions are funnier than contemplative actions. “Spectator Thinks About Leaving Dodgers Game After The First Inning” is less funny than “Spectator Walks Out of Dodgers Game After First Inning”
Submitting Headlines
After signing up for the mailing list, where you’ll get whitelisted and sent an informational email to tell you where to send in pitches. If you don’t sign up for the mailing list, we can’t guarantee we’ll review your work.
Send headlines in the body of the email, not as an attachment or as a pdf or whatever.
MAKE SURE TO SIGN UP FOR THE MAILING LIST, THIS PROCEDURE WILL CHANGE SOON AND YOU WONT BE ABLE TO SUBMIT IF YOU’RE NOT ON.
Simple Tips for Writing a Good Article
- Get the joke out in the first line.
- Keep the thesis of your joke clear, and write jokes from that.
- Look for an unexpected angle to tell this same joke from.
- My article formula roughly works out like so:
- Paragraph 1. Intro the joke.
- Paragraph 2. Quote from the subject of the joke that heightens the joke.
- “Quote,” said NAME while [[description of action]]. “Second quote from same person.”
- Paragraph 3. Backstory on the joke that adds details that are funny. A non quote paragraph is usually nice to break it up.
- Paragraph 4. Quote or backstory from an unexpected or new angle, researchers, academics, authorities, other parties involved.
- Paragraph 5. Close with the most recent update to make the joke still true and worse than ever.
- Don’t use “You.” to refer to the reader unless they are specifically the subject of the headline. Leave the reader alone.
- Don’t use “us” or “Hence.LA.” As in “Jeff told us.” or “Jeff told Hence.LA.” Unless you have a real specific reason for doing it, don’t.
- Don’t use Name, age, other stuff. That’s a screenwriting thing, not a news thing. Jeff, 29, is a pianist. BAD. BAD. BAD. Save it for your screenplays.
More Complex Tips for Writing Good Articles
- The Hence.LA voice when talking about anything other than news should be hip and helpful. Less authoritative, and more “you HAVE to be in on this.”
- Subtext. What are you trying to say? Make sure your jokes come from that central idea.
- Irony. Mean the opposite of what you say. Example.
- Characters. Simple one to three traits. They act, or are acted upon based only on these traits.
- Hyperbole. Exaggerate the subtext. So absurd it goes beyond the bounds of science or reason. Example.
- Madcap. Madcap is very foolish and silly. It’s the slapstick of literature. Serve or symbolize your subtext.
- Parody. Aping one format for yours. Try to be as much like the real thing as possible.
- Analogy. Comparing to disparate things and finding many comparisons. Keep one “side” in the dark and don’t directly state what it is.
Submitting Completed Drafts of Articles
Send only things that have had their headlines approved. There’s no guarantee that anything submitted, headline approved or not will be put on the site.
Getting Feedback on Drafts of Articles
It may take a little time, as there are lots of contributors and moving pieces. Please be patient.
Also, try to be open to feedback. Great writers who are friends of the editors have gotten notes on their articles, as well as writers we’ve never met. We really only want to make content as strong as it can be before it goes on the site. Any feedback is in no way an indictment of your writing, but instead a suggestion on how to improve it for everyone’s benefit.
How to set up Contributor Profile
- Add your social links to your profile to help point people toward your work!
- Must use http:// before links or your link wont work and you’ll get an error.