In a town where it’s easy to get swept up with all the big personalities and celebrities, we tend to forget the everyday people who make sure that our beautiful city can continue to function. One such person is Deborah Cooke, a 29-year old yoga instructor from Valley Village. What did she do? When she saw a driver littering from his car, she stood up for every Angeleno in the city by following him home, tying him up, and beating that man to death.
So brave.
Cooke’s day started out like any other day. She was stopped at a red light in the NoHo Arts District, directly behind a black Lexus with tinted windows. The driver rolled down his window and tossed a Subway sandwich wrapper on to the street. This would have infuriated any normal person, causing them to honk their horn or to give the driver the finger while driving by. However, Cooke, a learned yoga instructor, knew that these expressions of rage would ultimately have no impact on this monster. She managed to remain calm, and tail the black Lexus, leaving a gap of three car lengths to remain inconspicuous.
Incredible.
As the driver of the Lexus parked in his driveway and walked to his front door, Cooke deftly tiptoed behind him, knocked him to the ground, and bound his wrists and feet with the rope she kept in the trunk of her car for just such a situation. This is the kind of preparation and foresight that the rest of us should strive for.
As he came to, Cooke stuffed his mouth with used Subway wrappers. She then proceeded to use her bare hands to literally beat this man until he was completely dead, a fair punishment for throwing a single Subway wrapper onto the streets of our city. After checking his pulse to make sure her job was done, Cooke then dragged his lifeless body over to the trash can, making sure to not leave garbage like him just lying around.
Way to go, Deborah!
Since her heroics, nobody has been able to get in contact with Deborah Cooke. We believe that she’s taking a well deserved vacation. Wherever you are, Deborah Cooke, you’ve made Los Angeles a better place.
