According to eyewitness reports, a younger, harder working you has just moved to Los Angeles and they’re ready to take the town by storm.

Sources confirm that every single attribute this new person has, including their intelligence, charisma, gumption, sex appeal, confidence, creativity, inspiration, and intuition, is similar to but significantly better than yours.

Several reports indicate that at 3:00 p.m., whatever was special and unique about you was immediately trumped upon the arrival of this new better you, and your future is irrevocably worse.

Eyewitness accounts confirmed leaders of your desired industry were immediately impressed by this new you, who appeared to effortlessly exude confidence and ability.

At press time, the boring and utterly unremarkable you sat down to watch a TV show as useless as yourself.