On Tuesday, a cryptic Facebook status saying, “I got the gig!” caused Jacob Ainsley to go into a jealous fit, longing for whatever unspecified success his friend got.

“Why can’t I get whatever gig it is that he got?” Said Ainsley as he laid in bed scrolling through Facebook on his phone. “I work just as hard if not harder than him at whatever it is that he does.”

The status, belonging to Wade Valdez, a friend of a friend Ainsley met at a party two years ago, had 250 likes and 20 comments. Many of the comments had the question, “What’s the gig?!”

After three hours of searching Valdez’s Facebook page for clues, Ainsley concluded definitively that he would be better than his friend at whatever the gig was. “If it was an acting job, I’m sure I’m a better actor than him. If it’s a writing gig, I have tons of ideas for movies. If it was directing, I could totally do it. Whatever his success is, I think I deserve it more.”

Valdez’s Facebook post has strengthened Ainsley’s resolve to get whatever it is that his peer has gotten. “From now on, every day, I’m gonna write a script for four hours, then I’ll direct a movie every weekend, I’ll act in that too, and get in a play. I’m gonna work for like two hours every morning, and start eating right. Cause I must be very close to whatever success I’m close to if Wade can get whatever he got.”

At press time, Ainsley was still scrolling through Facebook, scoffing at his high school friends from back home who have families.