After a tense standoff that lasted weeks and threatened to destabilize the entire region, roommates Jason Temple and Bryce Howard announced today that diplomacy had prevailed in their peace talks over the pile of dishes in the sink.
In a joint statement, both parties reaffirmed their commitment to the peace process. Jason avowed to never let the situation come so close to the brink again. “Did my dinner party have something to do with it?” he said, referencing the social gathering that had been a source of tension to many in the affected area, “Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t, but Bryce is the one who broke the garbage disposal.”
The breaking point came when Bryce’s girlfriend refused to enter the demilitarized zone that had been established between the kitchen and the foyer. This forced Bryce to stay at her place, which is a thirty minute commute to his office. “To be uprooted from your home, relying on the compassion of others,” Bryce recounted somberly, “Nobody should have to be inconvenienced like that.”
The two embattled roommates turned to a neutral party, their neighbor Alex Gutierrez, to broker the peace talks. Mr. Gutierrez was able to find a solution that both parties deemed suitable, relying on his years of experience as a policy advisor to his wife and three children. When reached for comment, the diplomat was magnanimous. “Just clean up after yourself,” Mr. Gutierrez stated from the narrow strip of hallway between their two apartments, “It’s not that hard.”
While many call a lasting peace impossible, human rights organizations are breathing a sigh of relief. However, with reports surfacing that a third can of Bud Light disappeared from Jason’s twelve-pack late last night, old wounds threaten to reignite the fragile tinder box that is apartment 206.
